October 2021

Here are some comments about my life in October 2021 Not in chronological order. 

Leave a comment if you want to. 

I didn't go for my walk today. Just didn't feel like it and the weather wasn't great. I made chicken with onions and potatoes in the oven. First it was a little under cooked then I over cooked it a little. Turned out OK.

I am feeling a little better. Seems like the thoughts in my head are having an argument about what I should or should not do. I cleaned the kitchen some today. I still have ants. I have a faucet that is leaking and now it won't stop no matter what I do. It is on the sink so not an emergency. Called my old handy man. Sometimes I feel like I am trapped in my secure, peaceful, home with everything irritating me. I also feel like a loser even though most people would consider me successful. I think this pandemic has got a hold on me but I can't blame my negative feelings on it. My personal issues and fears create problems and the world creates problems. I have some major shit to get done soon. Taxes for 2020. Sarah is feeling so bad she won't talk to anybody. I am about to give up on the business coaching. I feel like I am tired of this mediocre life. Food, Entertainment, People bored with all of it but I don't want to let go of my safety and security. I know things could be a lot worse. I still do my walk, meditate and I am getting out of the house to some outdoor events. Sometimes it just feels like too much to deal with and I feel isolated and anxious. What choice do I have. Run away from it all... to what ? Baja or some tropical island etc ? I would be trading some new problems for some old problems.

Just found out that my friend  went into the hospital for a major operation. They removed a growth the size of a loaf of bread from his intestines. He has a scar from top to bottom. Almost died. It is cancer. His brother is there to help him. I just talked to him.

I know I have been triggered by a few things. Getting my taxes done, Greg's situation. I know that I am a control freak and my intellect / mind thinks life is a problem to be solved so I go over things in my head "could should would" but didn't etc. Then it starts to effect me physically and then that gets really uncomfortable which causes more of the same. It is a vicious circle that keeps building until I can barely stand it and want to jump out of my body.

I was triggered this month. It was multiple situations and events. Got anxiety and depression with terrible, painful feelings and a negative state of mind. When that happened I felt a lot of regret, loneliness, helplessness. I have experienced this at times in my life and I could recognize it. I got some of the things done that were hanging over my head that needed to be done. Getting my taxes filed for 2020 before the deadline was on the top of my list. Lots of paperwork + one meeting with my tax lady and $$$ later and it got done on a Saturday night at 7:30 PM. One week before the deadline. Some of the other things I had no ability to change or effect, they were happening to friends ( not me ) Cancer, sickness, difficulties etc. Others things were magnified by the depression and anxiety. Such as getting older, boredom, loneliness, friends not connecting, Lock down / pandemic etc. The "world" situation and a few of my own minor health issues. These are hard to talk about when I am in a depressed state and even when I do, people don't want to hear it. They have their own challenges. I have a habit of putting things off and it catches up with me and triggers me. Other things are what life brings and are inevitable. I continue to realize that being intellectual and educated doesn't provide the answers. Connecting with my heart is better than trying to figure everything out and life feels easier when I do.

I have been very anxious and my mind has been tormenting me. I went to bed yesterday about 4PM after my walk and did not get up till this morning about 9AM. I am feeling better this morning. I am doing all of this to myself.  I need a vacation from my mind.

I went into the backyard to feed the birds. Looked on the side by the house and a giant cat was jumping over the fence to get away. Same giant cat that I saw a long time ago. Must be a neighbors. I don't mind, maybe it catches mice !

I went to the bonfire last night. Small turnout because it was overcast. Chatted with a few people old and new. It was good to get out. Back home around 11 My shoes were close to the fire ring and the sole detached from the shoe ?!? Gonna see if I can fix them today. Someone I know at the bonfire asked me if I was vaxed ? I said no and she started yelling at me for not wearing a mask. I said to her " what difference does it make to you, you are vaxed and also I don't have COVID and I am more than 6 feet from you and outside. She didn't have anything to say after that and just agreed with me. So her outburst was just a reaction based on media disinformation and paranoia .

Did my walk today. Back into the routine after no feeling like doing it yesterday. Glad I did. So.. State of Idaho sent me a bill for $10 and 8 cents interest. Most likely because they haven't opened the letter I sent with a money order for $10 ! I will wait a while and see if they send me another. Then deal with it. If that is all I get from them, I will be happy and I can move on the next phase of my life.. what ever that is Ha Ha I can leave the real estate thing and Idaho in the past and not deal with it again. These bureaucracies have been frustrating.

I am home now. Went to my event. Nice people in the Mindfulness Group. I got the feeling like most of them were struggling with difficulties. It seems like everyone is. Went to Vons. Got some basics. When did food get so expensive. $90 for a what seems like a few items. Gas $4.20 per gallon cash at the cheapest station. At the 99cent store. Lens fell out of my glasses at the checkout line. I looked and the screw was still there. So I thought OK no problem, I will screw it in and secure it when I get home. Fumbled the glasses and the screw fell out ! Couldn't find it on the floor. Of course.. I am holding up the line and cannot take the time to find it. Anyway.. got home, and fixed it using the screw from an old pair. Seems OK. It wasn't easy. Had to use a magnifying glass etc.

I am taking it easy today. I guess that means taking a day off from beating myself up ! Listening to some Buddhist Psychology on Youtube and cleaning up a little. 

Just got back from my walk. It was dark and I was wearing sunglasses. Yes, sunglasses at night, just like in the song. I took the beans added some pork and onions put it into two crock pots. Larger one and medium size. They have been cooking for a while. Let's see what I end up with on Saturday. I have been watching and listening to some good YouTube videos. Helps me get a perspective on things. I am feeling better today. I don't spend a lot of time on media stuff and all the bad news. I get tired of the BS sometimes but that is life. Most of the BS is directed by me to me. Ha Ha If you want me to send you some of the links to the videos I have watched , let me know.

Just put some chicken thighs to bake in the oven with BBQ sauce. Also put some white beans underneath in water. Total experiment. I guess if the beans don't cook I will find out and transfer them to the slow cooker to finish. It is getting warm over hear now but I am not complaining about the weather. Ha Ha

I cooked the chicken above the rice with water. 1 hour at 400. Then turned it off and let it set to cool down. Still cooking by itself for about 30 min. The rice turned out good, completely cooked and the chicken was cooked and juicy. The beans will stay in the crock pots for a long time till done. Hoping they will be OK. I have a lot of rice ! Going to need to bag i

My feeling is that my life now is too routine, controlled, boring, safe and isolated. Of course, there is a part of me that likes that and made it that way. I am also tired of technology and living a virtual life through the screen and internet. I want to doing something that makes a valuable and positive difference in this world. I also want to have more fun and connection with people who support that. I am thinking about it this year and will put a plan into action for early next year. It might involve.. helping orphans in Baja, travel and being part of a community of people who want to do the same.

I always seem to be happier on Friday. This month has been stressful. I was triggered yesterday by JFS not delivering and blaming it on me. I know it isn't a big deal then again is anything really a big deal in life ? It depends on my reaction and interpretation. I do know that when I am at a high level of stress and something negative happens it effects me because I am already at the edge. Sort of like having PTSD. Anyway.. I see blue skies and I am feeling relaxed today. I have this desire to radically change my life next year. Taking it one day at a time.

I felt tired yesterday after doing the Dr. Red Show. Took a nap and didn't go for my walk. I read a book by Steve Martin, about his career and life as a Stand Up comic. It was interesting and a good read. I slept well. Felt rested when I woke up at 10AM. Under my eye seems to be getting better slowly. 

Although sometimes I feel like a ticking time bomb that could go off any minute. The weird eye thing seems to be healing and other things too. I guess that goes with getting older. Yesterday I thought about you and I know that even though we don't see each other often.. we really do love each other. I started crying. I think it helped my eye !

The hardest part was getting out the door. Got a money order for my Idaho taxes. They charge everyone $10 to file even if I don't owe them any money ! I could have sent a check but for some reason I thought a money order is better ?!? Dropped off a library book today. They would not let me renew it because 1 person was on the waiting list for it. Then Sprouts for some almond milk and nuts. You see what I mean about BS ? It's just stupid stuff. Nuts, money order. Didn't get gas for van or anything else. I could have but I just wanted to get back home.

I just got a call from the new owner of the domain I sold 20 years ago. EIEIO.COM He bought it for $15,000 from the old owner. Thinks it might be worth millions. I left him a message at the website just for the Hell of it. He lives in San Diego ! At the site, It said send me an email. So I did. I thought it was the old guy. Told him I had it originally and just saying Hello. I left my phone #. He called me out of the blue. I usually don't answer my business phone but I did. He said maybe we will get together for lunch ? Not sure why, maybe just to chat. He is my age, no wife, no kids. Funny coincidence

Did my walk. Even though it got dark. Part of why I walk is to take in the entire neighborhood, see what is going on. I saw on the side walk some tagging graffiti in black spray paint. Looked like Nazi gang BS. Not my street but right around the corner. There goes the neighborhood but seriously, did not like to see that. I might spray paint over it or report it. Note: The city erased it ! Hooray !

The neighbor next door had a carpenter repair guy looking at her place for the same reason. While he was there in the drive way. I asked him about my place which is in much worse shape than hers as far as the wood and termites. He just does the repairs not the tenting. Of course he might be biased about replacing the wood vs sanding and painting on the outside. He said a few months or even years might not make that much of a difference but 5 to 10 years could double the problem. As for selling. I have thought about it. This pandemic makes it a difficult choice as far as doing it now. At least in my mind. Maybe next spring.

 

The next door neighbor has a company replacing wood that has termite damage. Bang Bang with the hammer. It reminds me that one of these days I am going to have to do a lot of work on this house or just sell it. Of course, I will continue to put that off for another day. Sometimes I think it would be better to live in a small 2 room condo and leave this place. Not ready to do that yet maybe next year.

I was on the patio watching the sunset with some amazing clouds and listening to music. Two mosquito bites on my fore arm. WTF ? where do they come from ? Answer. Anywhere in a 10 mile distance to get to me. They love my blood. Makes me want to move to some country that doesn't have them. I think only Iceland qualifies. So.. yeah. probably not going to move.

I have been so tired and sleepy the last few days. Maybe it was something I ate or not enough water. I barely got out of the house to walk. It was dark and I attacked by a dog, looked like a poodle combined with another kind of dog. I wasn't scared but the owner just let him keep coming after me with no leash. I tried to joke about it but he was an idiot for letting that happen. Then later another dog looked dangerous a pit bull I tried to acknowledge the owner and he pointed his arm at me like is was a rifle and pretended to pull the trigger. I just stopped and stared at him. He couldn't see who I was in the dark but I had a flash light. I am thinking I will leave earlier for my walk so I am not walking at night with shades on. LOL Oh well.. Feeling better now. 

I have also been doing some research on the COVID and Vaccines etc. The new Vaccine from Novamax looks very promising. It works like a vaccine normally works and works better than the MRNA that is available now. The government is making it difficult for the company to produce the vaccine here because Big Pharma is controlling the $$$. They shouldn't even call what people are taking now a vaccine. It is a covid treatment. Over 128 scientific papers are being published every day on what scientists are learning about the virus. In my opinion. The government could not have done a worse job over the last 2 years. It would have been better if they had done nothing. If every person had been given a covid test device at the start. The pandemic would have been neutralized in 6 months.

Update on the battle with nats, flies, ants etc. Got the nats under control with my special traps. Flies only bad when it gets hot. Ants in the kitchen, garage and some in the bathroom. Use awesome on them and some ant bait. The ants are small but annoying. Also.. had one computer that wasn't working properly. Started working again. Another just had a problem. So there you have it. All the complaints in one text. The only other complaint is about my monkey mind chatter. Almost never stops no matter how many books I read about Zen etc. I am meditating sometimes in the evening now as well as every morning. Seems to help.

It is super hard not to worry about the C19 Delta with all the bad news in the media. However, even in the worst state of the US. The stats show 40 - 60 people out of 100,000 actually have to go to the hospital for it. According to the CDC. I am staying in lock down for at least another 6 months. I am going to a few outdoor events. I will just have to get used to being alone and get along with my self as best I can.

I have a cricket in the garage that chirps super loud at night. Cannot get it to stop while I am watching a movie.

Looks like I got my medicare figured out. After I left 5 messages with Community Health Group etc etc. I think the insurance guy I talked to signed me up for Humana Advantage Plan and didn't tell me. He seemed very eager to assist me. After talking to him again that mysteriously got removed from my records. So I can now go to any Dr. or Dentist that accepts Medicare / Medical including the PB Clinic.

I just watched an episode on Prime. A show about WW2. So many stupid mistakes and so much suffering by humanity. The pandemic is bad but not as bad a war.

 

Sunday drove my van to swap meet. It was almost 3PM. Most of the vendors were packing up. Walked the swap meet and got a few free items. Got back to the van and was planning on going to the store and then OB. Called Candy and chatted for a free minutes. Then noticed that the car dash system was acting weird. Going on and off.

Tried to start the car and the battery was dead ! Just clicking, had some juice but not enough to start / turn over engine. Got upset. Told Candy what was happening the hung up. Called AAA they answered and I told them that the car would not start and I needed a jump. Hoping that was all that I needed and not a tow.

I gave them my address near a restaurant because I was in the parking lot next to the arena. I don't even remember what it is called now. It used to be the Sports Arena before the Indians bought it with casino money.

They said a tow truck would be there in about 1 hour. I said why so long. She said well that would be the longest  time. I found out later that the station was only 5 minutes away from me. I tried to start the van a few more times and it went click click and did not start. After about 15 minutes I tried again and it started just barely but it was running fine. Tried to call AAA to cancel tow truck and they put me on hold with stupid music and announcements to down load the app !

I got home and put the charger on the battery. It was very low. I have not driven the van for weeks except maybe a few very short trips. Even though it is a new battery, it must have run down.

I got a call from tow truck guy and I asked him if he had left yet and he said not to worry about it. He would cancel the call.

They I got a text from AAA saying he was there at the location !

I feel like calling AAA and explaining my frustration. They have all the technology and still cannot seem to do it properly. Why did they put me on hold for almost 30 minutes. They new I was calling for a reason even though they had sent out the tow truck.

 

To be continued... 5 more days and October is over ! Happy to move on to November 2021

Welcome to my blog. I call it "Al... Things Considered".

Hello to my "Usual Gang" of Friends. If you are reading this you must have received a link from me because I don't publicize this blog. 

 

I am doing this Blog because I want to share my experiences and thoughts with my friends and it is easier to send you a link than periodically sending each of you a long email.  

 

I doubt that anyone will visit this blog or read anything I write unless they know me and I send them the link.  If you find this blog and read it and you do not know me personally. Please say hello with a comment.

 

I originally started doing this blog in 2012. Yeah I know.. there is a little procrastination going on. In my defense, I forgot it was even available to me to use and update until it recently turned up accidentally when I was looking for another blog !

 

So I deleted the blog posts from 2012 which was supposed to be the year of the  "END OF THE WORLD ! " Remember ?

 

Amazingly, the first blog post I created with some info about me in 2012  is still relevant to my life now !

So.. I will leave some of it here ( with a few updates ) as my first New Blog Post.

 

My original post in 2012

 

A little about me.

 

As you may or may not now, I am semi retired and have time on my hands and I don't punch a clock or work for "The Man". I have also disconnected from cable TV ( still get the free stuff that goes to my digital box ) Unless I am exhausted or the Internet doesn't work right, I do not like watching TV with all the commercials.

 

I do spend way too much time online but I consider that an investment. Some of it has to do with my Coaching and Consulting business. I have been doing this at least part time for many years. I do it mostly to share my know how and experience. My motivation is to to make  difference helping entrepreneurs.. Once in a while I work with larger business mostly in the services cyber - online space.

I had a computer consulting business for 20 plus years before I decided that the computer business was   not fun anymore. Even so, I have kept up with some of the technology that I find interesting or that is changing the world. There have been a lot of  changes to computers and the Internet in the last 20 years. You may have noticed ! 

 

After I got out of computer consulting I started studying for a Ph.D. in Psychology with an emphasis in Buddhist Studies. To me, Buddhism is a lot like psychology only deeper. 

 

I have done a lot of studying in many areas including Metaphysics and Philosophy. When you add that to my MBA in Marketing and my BS in Management etc plus my countless workshops, research and 20 + years in I.T. I have come to the conclusion that I am totally over educated and spent way too much time in a classroom. 

 

Continuing the New Post: Why am I doing this?

 

I like to write about all kinds of stuff but I don't seem motivated to write just for myself. I only want to write if people read it! This might be an "ego" thing but I feel like it is more a result of the for - mentioned too much education!

 

I have decided to start writing again about my life experiences, thoughts and opinions. Some of that will be here in this blog. 

This will be a challenge for me because I am somewhat secretive about who I am except to my friends. However I have come to the conclusion that because of the Internet everybody in the world knows way more about me than I want or they should. So I figured why not expound some more about my life and ideas here at my blog to amuse and enlighten my friends ? 

 

I want to make this blog about my life experiences written as a first person narrative.

 

Some caveats:

I can get way too technical and detailed when I write about some subjects. If I do, let me know. I will apologize in advance. I don't want you to get bored or glassy eyed. I will do my best not to pontificate. I catch most grammar and typo mistakes but I am not going to be too anal about it. 

 

If you have a subject suggestion or want me to write more about an experience that I have described,  leave a comment. 

When you take the time to comment, I will know that I am not writing this just for me and maybe you are getting something valuable or entertaining out of it too.

I am not conceited enough to think that this blog will get popular, go viral or change the world but I hope that maybe a few of my friends will enjoy reading it. 

 

Always keep in mind that this blog is "For entertainment purposes only."

Please visit here again soon to read my posts or subscribe to the RSS Feed and get updates automatically. 

All The Best,

Al